Registreer     

Part four

"20 November 2011 RC de Scrumboks – ZRC de Duuvels "Highway to Hell”
 
Hello people from Bokswana!
 
Once again a late contribution due to a fairly hectic week... my sincere apologies.
 
Actually let me tell you about my week...
 
Today I had the usual "add an hour to what the Tom Tom says" trip to Haarlem to visit my toughest customer in the Netherlands. That is not a good thing. I swear there is some sort of evil genius watching my every move and, ably aided by his network of evil henchmen, create a bloody disruption on the motorway whenever I get anywhere near Oudenrijn. That or I am paranoid but, as the old english saying goes "Just because you're paranoid does not mean they're not out to get you".
 
Thursday was a little better since I was having as early as 8 o'clock in the morning my beautiful half-naked body being stroked by two equally beautiful ladies. Before I get murdered by my flemish angel (that is, if she ever reads this), this happened to be two physios and by "stroked" I mean something that goes something like this:
 
Physio: "Fergus, can you put your left arm through your leg and try and touch your right ear?"
Fergus (foolishly): "Well I can certainly give it a shot."
2 seconds elapse...
Fergus: "AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH"
Physio: "Yes, I thought that might hurt."
 
Well of course it hurts, that's why I came to see you. If you are into BDSM like Lennaert, fine. If you are a normal human being then no. And, yes, I have a beautiful body. Put it simply, I make men wet.
 
Right, now to Rugby and, trust me, I have been dreading this... and you did as well.
 
Now, I can not entirely be entirely sure about what happened during the game because I was not there for most of it. However, when you play against a team with fourteen men and whose average age is approximately my IQ ( so 42, I may well make men shiver with desire, I am a bit of an idiot) then there is only one thing that you should be doing and that thing is: WIN.
 
Furthermore, our beloved Hans "Captain Beefheart" Meeters had to choose from no less than 21 players... His team selection went something like this (this week, the theme is songs I dislike) 
 
  1. Rick "I will always love you" Verloop
  2. Fabio "Summer of 69" Gomez
  3. Kevin "Anything by Celine Dion" Boschaart
  4. Luc "Every rose has a thorn" van der Voorn
  5. Andrei "Rock DJ" Dragan
  6. Dennis "Are you gonna go my way?" van Gelderen
  7. David "When you say nothing at all" Leane
  8. Remco "I'm just a girl" Nijhof (actually I like that song but, come on, I had to do it)
  9. Iwan "More than words" Meeter
  10. Hans "Zier wel hoe ik thuis kom" Meeter
  11. Fabian "Joyride" van Straten (that would be from Roxette)
  12. Sam "Friday Night" de Vries
  13. Stefan "Back for good" Opic
  14. Roberto "Can't touch this" van Sijda
  15. Mark "Let's talk about sex" van Baaren
  16. Ralph "Fairground attraction" Pelger
  17. Johan "Animal" Struve
  18. Lennaert "Killing (in the name of god)" de Goede
  19. Niels "Everybody get up" Hooykaas
  20. Jan "ALl the things she said" Vermazen
  21. Tom "The beautiful people" van Leeuw
Not many of you know but Roy "ZZ Top" Jansen has seen his phone bill rocketing by 300€ the last coupld of months. The reason for that is that he is constantly japping away at the local radio station to update them on the evolution of the score. For the last couple of games, this has gone something like this:
 
Presenter:  "So, Roy, what are your thoughts before this game?"
Roy: "Well, pretty good, we have about 20 players and they seem to have a pre-match training that do make them look like inebriated monkeys. Listen, I have to go, they are about to kick off."'
10 minutes later.
P: "Roy, my man, what are the news?"
R: "Well, not too good, we have just conceded a stupid try. Oh well, I am sure it will come good, after all our apponents are all about 60 so they will surely run out of steam."
40 minutes later.
P: "Roy, my precious, what's up then? I miss the sound of your sensual voice..."
R: "Not much better I'm afraid. For one, they are not running out of steam, for second we are indeed performing like drunk monkeys so I am starting to have my doubts."
Another 40 minutes later.
P: "Roy, darling, dare I ask?"
R: "Look, a picture is worth a thousand words so I am sending you an image of the team playing. Let me know what you think. Look, I have to go, I must shave my beard, fed up with the Clint Eastwood jokes and life in general."
 
 
Man and Dick of The Day/Match
Lennaert "Janus" de Goede
According to him, he was very good.
Unfortunately, he played for the opposition.
 
The MvB move of the match:
 
You are a full-back and have just caught a ball in your 22, your only option is to kick. Do you:
  1. Decide to compensate for the strong sideways wind by safely putting the ball in touch?
  2. Decide to negate the effects of the strong wind and neatly place a grubber kick, a notoriously difficult ball to catch?
  3. Decide to kick the ball like a hyperactive babboon and send it straight down the middle so that their fullback has the whole field to choose from for an attack?
I'll give you a clue, they scored a try."
 
 
Sir Fergus