Part three ....

13 November 2011

RC de Scrumboks – RC the Pickwick Players 3

"A Pic(k)-Nic for the Idiots”

Good day Boksie Babies,

There are times when talking about your weekend is frankly uninteresting. There are times when talking about your weekend is exciting. There are times when talking about your weekend, you have to write a report about it. I fall into the latter category…

For those of you who work in an office, Monday starts of like this:

Fergus: "Goedemorgen, allemaal”

My colleagues : "Goedemorgen Fergus, Hoe was het weekend?”

Fergus : "er… ja, een beetje verwarend, ‘k moet 't zeggen…”

Right, since it is now more or less a tradition, let me start off with bitching about the motorway system. The reason I am so late in submitting the report is because I have made 2000 km this week going through Belgium (drive fast, think slow), France (don’t get me started on that country) and the Netherlands (you all know what I think). Well, one might say the Euro is weakening, that the EC is having problems but, let me tell you, when it comes to motorway system, there is one thing we are united in: it is abysmal.

Now, picture young Fergie last week, having had serious stress at work, he nevertheless made his way to the rugby field with memories of flowing rugby against what was arguably a better team than RC the Pickwick Players 3. He went there full of hope, full of joy, still basking in that epic victory from 7 days gone. He was happy, he was expecting, he was relishing time away from "THE CLAW” (that is my affectionate nickname for Annelien), he was joyous…

He was totally frigging wrong.

I will just say the score to start with and focus on the positives.

50-0, that’s right 50 points to nil, magic numbers.

50, the age I hope to lose my virginity and 0, the number of times France has won the Rugby world cup.

You may legitimately ask yourself: "Well, it was not that bad, was it?”.

Well, no, we did not concede any points so that’s good. Were we ever threatened? No so that’s good. Did we play like a shower of crap? You bet your ass. (there, that is the end of the positives).

One of my favourite authors is named Terry Pratchett, if you have never read his books, please do, it is hilarious.

In one of them, one of the characters mentions the fact that the weather in his region is psychomorphic i.e. it reflects the mood of the people. For the brave people of Tiel who braved the conditions last week, one might easily assume that the elements perfectly mirrored what happened on the pitch i.e. foggy to the extreme.

You know I find it hard to criticize (trust me, I am laughing just writing that sentence) but what you did last week was rugby, what you did this week I will never know. Even Frank "cross dressing” van Boxtel could not invent the game you played. I felt even more disappointed since the training before the game actually looked like a training (another positive). Furthermore, Hans "Captain Cavern” Meeters had no less than 20 players to choose from and it went something like this (all names taken from musical acts I really dislike):

1. Dennis "Aqua” van Gelderen
2. Rick "Lady GaGa” Verloop
3. Andrei "Hengelbert Humperdinck” Dragan
4. Luc "Jean Michel Jarre” van der Voorn
5. Johan "Jan Smit” Struve
6. Frank "P Diddy” van Boxtel
7. Lennaert "Lenny Kravitz” de Goede
8. Adri "David Guetta”Boom
9. Marcel "Milk Inc.” van de Brun
10. Hans "Mariah Carey” Meeter
11. Fabian "Celine Dion” van Straten
12. Sam "Take That” de Vries
13. Stefan "Boyzone” Opic
14. Roberto”Jamiroquai” van Sijda
15. Mark "Pink” van Baaren
16. Ivan "Black Eyed Peas” Meeter
17. Ramco "Whitney Houston” Nijhof
18. Ruben "Bryan Adams” Timmerman
19. Tom " Milo” van Leeuwen
20. Dima "Pussycat Dolls” (sorry Dima, you told me your surname but I can not remember)