6 november 2011
RC de Scrumboks vs RC Wageningen 1
"If anyone can think of a pun with Wageningen then let me know, there that’s the title sorted then.”
A very Bokslicious day to you all,
What a difference a week makes, from playing Jurassic Park (‘t Gooi 4) last week, the flipje degenerates were up against:
A team whose average age was less than 40
A team who also seems to take rugby seriously judging by their training drill (more about that later)
Ably boosted by the news that the resident french retard was cast to the touchline, the Scrumboks took the field with no less than 18 players. And that is without Adri "Shrek” Boom who is still currently joyously navigating is way through the Dutch canals. Not that it is an obsession with me but it just took me 2 hours and 15 minutes to get to work this morning so I am seriously considering buying a bleeding boat, there is no way the water canals can be as slow as the motorways. In fact the only way I was going to be slower this morning was by going in reverse… Anyhow, that has nothing to do with the subject at hand so let’s get back to rugby.
David Leane was apparently at the site of his wife’s school which was burgled so no joke here obviously.
As mentioned above, Wageningen took the field in their distinctive purple kit and went about their training drills. Let’s use some apt analogies to describe their training so that a quick comparison can be made with ours. For this I will use TV programs…
On the one hand, Wageningen training routine consisted of all 15 players running as one unit, performing well rehearsed moves, a clear structure in mind. In short, it was like watching a documentary on the British Special Forces at a training camp.
On the other hand, the Tiel entertainers were doing their usual Samantha Fox impersonations ("Touch me” for those who do not get it) in a manner best epitomised in the Bible by the Tower of Babel. To put it bluntly, it was like watching an episode of Scooby-Doo.
This was quickly pointed out by our resident Clint Eastwood, Roy "Dirty Harry” Jansen and I have to admit I shared some of his doubts watching the two teams perform their pre-match routine. I must also add that, by the end of their ‘training’, Tiel looked a little bit more like a rugby team, let’s be fair here.
Because Hans did not follow me to get to the field (I did check for security), he had all the time in the world to select his team which went like this:
Rick "Fred” Verloop
Ralph "Thelma” Peloon
Dennis "Scooby Doo” van Gelderen
Luc "Shaggy” van der Voorn
Andrei "Scrappy Doo” Dragan
Ruben "Yabba Doo” Timmerman
Frank "Scooby Dum” van Boxtel
Tom "Scooby Dee” van Leeuwen
Marcel "Daphne” van de Brun
Hans "Dooby Doo” Meeter
Fabian "Skippy Doo” van Straten
Sam "Momsy Doo” de Vries
Stefan "Dada Doo” Opic
Roberto” Howdy-Doo” van Sijda
Mark "Ruby Doo” van Baaren
Fabio "Whoopsy Doo” Gomez
Lennaert "Yankee Doodle Doo”de Goede
Dima "the man with no name” ?
By the way, these are all real characters from the cartoon, I do not proclaim to be a specialist. Lennaert (thank you for the names), however, is apparently a world-leading expert although his adult themed script entitled "Doo me Baby” was turned down by all television channels. If you do not believe me, just ask him, it really is surprising (and slightly worrying) how much he knows about it.
Let’s now dramatize a bit and set the setting for this rugby match with a chronological summary:
00:00:00 Oof.
00:00:03 Oh! oh! oof!
00:00:05 Sorry, guys, I was just checking out this mosquito-proof suit.
00:00:09 Maybe I should try a small.
00:00:11 You guys, quit messing around.
00:00:13 We're here to pick up supplies.
00:00:18 You know how excited Fred is about taking us to his old summer camp.
…
Er, hang on, that is an episode of Scooby-Doo, getting a bit confused here, my apologies.
Once again, some person who wishes to stay anonymous has written an excellent match report so I will not bother other than to say that it was a gutsy performance from all involved. Great defence from forwards and backs, some great tries including a fantastic piece of skills from Marcel "I look like a penis with my helmet” van der Brun. Also glad to see that Stefan "Teenage Kicks” Opic listened to me a bit by deciding to opt for the foot rather than the hand for his bonus point try.
Dick of the day: Fabian van Straten for his methodical approach on how to increase your chance of a knock-on:
Make sure the ball bounces like a whippet on acid
Carefully go round the ball so that you face the opposition
Try and catch said whippet with both hands
Perform the knock-on
Fabian, if you read this, this is not personal, we all make mistakes and, as you will see by the quiz, we also have a recurring feature.
Man of the Match: Fabian van Straten for unblocking the situation through his great work with Edward Penishead thereby scoring a try and settling our nerves. See, I can be nice Fabian.
Finally, the weekly quiz although I am tempted to rename this section "The van Baren move of the week”..
Quiz: You are fullback and have just caught a kick from the opposition deep in your half with acres of space in front of you. Do you:
Assess the situation, check carefully where the opposition is, consider your options and adapt your tactics accordingly?
Stop your run, put your hand on your heart and declare your love to Princess Beatrix?
Assess the situation, check carefully where the opposition is, consider your options and kick the ball like Forrest Gump?
Once again, number 2 seems a tad wiser than number 3.